You Would Never Understand
by iloveaxel
Summary: Roxas cuts himself, after all he is to blame for what happened. At least, that's what he tells himself, but things start to change as a tall redhead comes and shakes some things up. Could Roxas ever let Axel in so he could understand? Warnings: Self harm, language, maybe some smut in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

Hello, well this is my first story, it's AkuRoku obviously, Now Disclaimer time!

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters in this story, if I owned KH there would be so much Yaoi!

Warnings: Self Harm, if this offends don't read it. There will be language, just not in this chapter lol

No Flames Please! Now read on!

He took in his surroundings, door locked and blinds pulled shut, and he's safe. He pulled up my sleeve as he felt the cold white tile under my feet as he stood on it. He looked at my arm in the mirror; he loved the look of it. His body reflected outside what he _knew_ he was on the inside, tainted, ugly, monstrous, and undeserving of anything. After all, it was his fault. He was slowly balancing out the universe this way. He took it upon himself to take care of all the terrible things he's done. He moved my right hand to my left elbow, raking my nails on his forearm, all the way up to the palm. He felt the ragged skin under his fingertips as he tugged at the scars. Roxas then pulled the pocket knife out of my jeans, the sight of it was inviting to him, the cool blade twirling around in his fingers. He used to cut with razors, but with time found out that knives got the job done easier.

He put pressure on the skin of my left arm, slowly and deeply pulling it across his skin. He closed his eyes as he embraced the pain, almost savoring it. Roxas did this about 10 more times. He looked at the crimson liquid flowing down his arm, noticing how it swallowed everything in its path. He loved that about the blood, it consumed everything if there was enough of it. He released himself from the beautiful sight and grabbed the plastic container of isopropyl alcohol. He twisted the cap open and the clear substance slowly trickled down his once smooth forearm. He didn't mind the unnecessary sting that tickled his arm. He turned on the sink and watched as the blood began dripping down his arm and turned the once clear water a pink- red color. He sat there repeating the rinse cycle for about 10 min. Next, he grabbed a towel from the ground and wiped his wet arm off. Roxas sighed gently, staring at the arms with scars covering them.

_Time for school…_

Roxas silently stripped and stepped into the steaming shower, he didn't pay the scalding water any attention. He got washed, stepped out, and put on my outfit for the day, black pants consisting with a red and white checkered short sleeve shirt, black hoodie, and some black shoes. He grabbed his black back pack and walked down the tan carpeted stairs into the kitchen. He lugged himself to the pantry and pulled came back with some cereal. He contemplated for a second, debating if he was actually hungry or not. Deciding he would eat after school he put the cereal back. Without making a sound he slipped out the door, not desiring to wake his Mom and get slapped around a little bit, not that he could blame her, it was his fault. He locked the front door with his house key that hung on his lanyard.

He made his walking commute to school, waving and smiling as he saw his friends waiting at the entrance. The smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but after a year or two of this, he had it down pat. Nobody noticed, or cared, and he preferred to keep it that way.

"Hi guys" He greeted them enthusiastically. He looked to all his friends, Demyx, Zexion, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Namine, and Larxene. They were great, his tight-knit group of friends, but of course he could never really let them know what's going on. He just made them think they knew all his secrets, all the things kept close to his mind, but of course that wasn't the case.

"Hey Roxas, aren't you hot with all the clothes?" Demyx gestured to Roxas' jacket and jeans.

"Nope, you know me, I'm always freezing." He replied with a nervous laugh as he thought of how he was actually dying out in the heat and the real reason he had no option to do anything else.

We all turned to Namine as she began to talk, "Hey, did you know there's a new student coming today?"

"Oh, that's interesting, is it a boy or a girl? I will bet anyone of y'all 20 dollars it'll be a girl." Larxene said with a smirk.

Demyx pulled out his wallet, "Ok, I bet you it'll be a boy; I have one of those feelings."

He watched them handshake, making it official right as the bell for first period rang.

They all more or less went their separate ways and made their way to first period. He walked to my seat, making sure to greet his friends in the class. He closed his eyes, trying to relax before he got bothered by someone. The teacher walked in and smiled at the students. He pulled his notebook and pencil out of his binder, waiting for her to put some math problems on the board.

Though he was left waiting as she started talking and gesturing to the kid standing at the front of the classroom "Class, we have a new student today, his name is Axel."

_He looks interesting_

Roxas smirked, as he eyed him. Axel had flaming spiky red hair that resembled fire and jade green eyes, he was pretty good looking. He also had these tattoos under his eyes, they looked like upside down raindrops.

He was pulled out of my thoughts as the teacher started talking, "Axel, you may take a seat next to Roxas in the back. Roxas could you raise your hand?"

Roxas raised it and Axel made his way back to the back of the room. As Axel did this Demyx threw me a note, it read: "YEP, THAT'S RIGHT, I JUST GOT 20 BUCKS RICHER!" Roxas laughed silently to himself and gave Demyx a thumbs up.

AN: Sorry this chapter was sorta short! :/ The next chapter which I'm currently working on won't be as short! Oh and if anyone would like to be my Beta Reader Please PM me, I need one!


	2. Chapter 2

Hello! So I re-read the last chapter and I am sorry for the terrible amount of POV mess ups! Yeah, not my best work there, luckily it is all revised there, and there shouldn't be any more of those slip-ups since I finally decided to do this in 3rd person! R and R please!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters

Roxas put on his "dazzling smile" and turned in his seat to face the very tall and attractive redhead. Roxas wasn't one to judge on appearance, but hopefully this guy was as nice inside as he was easy on the eyes on the outside. After all, no one wants to be stuck sitting next to someone they don't like all year.

Axel lazily eyed the kid next to him while plopping his stuff on the desk and slinking down into the chair. This kid was the cutest thing ever, but to Axel something he could tell was off with the happy looking expression that Roxas gave him. Axel studied him hard, but still couldn't figure it out, and that part bothered him. He would stick around this kid to find out what it was, since after all, Axel was never one to lose.

Axel waited for the kid to say something, but got tired of waiting, "Hi, I'm Axel. Got it memorized?"

Roxas rolled his eyes and the last part, "Yeah, I'll be sure to store the name in my head somewhere. I'm Roxas."

_Roxas_, what an interesting name, "Well Roxas, just make sure to label that space in your mind 'Axel is the best' ok?"

Roxas laughed at the wink Axel gave him. He debated whether or not to invite this guy to lunch with him and his friends are not.

_It couldn't hurt right? After all he seems like a nice guy and he probably has no one to sit with since he's new here, "_Hey Axel, y'know, if you want you could sit with me and my friends at lunch today."

Axel smirked, maybe getting close to the kid wouldn't be a hard task, "Sure Roxie, I'll sit with you."

Roxas nodded and turned to face the front, trying to focus on math, not that he needed to. Roxas was a straight A student, always has been. Not that he really cared much; he didn't have to put in a lot of effort for his grades. His mind started to drift away as he stared at some random object at the front of the room. He realized what he was doing and stopped, narrowing his eyes and focusing at the teacher who was explaining some problem at the board. Roxas refrained from his letting his mind let loose and wander, he knew his terrible mind could him to some disgusting places.

The sound of the bell reverberated through the classroom as everyone took that as the signal to leave. Roxas silently put his red notebook and a #2 pencil into his black bag. He sighed and made his way out of the classroom. Damn he was tired, he wasn't one to sleep easy so at most times he was in this same condition, but it was nothing to really complain about or pay attention to. Classes went by quickly, oddly enough Roxas and Axel had 4 classes together, but math was the only class they sat close enough to converse with each other.

Axel was currently in art, sort of staring off into space as the teacher droned on about unimportant things. It wasn't that he didn't like art, hell he loved art, but he wasn't one for listening to things he wasn't interested in. And of course he had no interest invested in whatever stupid billion year old artist the teacher was talking about.

He caught himself staring at the back of a skull adorned with blond lopsided hair at front of the room. He kept staring, getting lost in thought about the same boy his eyes were fixated on. Axel could tell something was off about Roxas, the way he carried himself around everyone else, it was almost wrong, and the boy with the blazing red hair would figure out why it was that way. And maybe, he could fix it, but of course he shouldn't get ahead of himself. Besides, maybe when he figured out what was wrong about Roxas he wouldn't like who Roxas really was. He shouldn't think about getting possibly attached to the boy until he knew more about him.

He snapped out of his senseless thoughts and drew on the sketchbook the teacher had given him at the beginning of class. Axel was very creative, whether it was playing an instrument, drawing, or singing, Axel was good at it. He prided himself in that he could be creative, for that was something he could do and not worry about any of the assholes of the world had to say.

The high pitched bell rang and made everyone aware that the school day has ended. Roxas was making his way out of the art room, and to his locker. He slowly trudged to the locker that was on the other end of the school. He was in no rush to get home. By the time he got to the metal box of storage, the hallways were cleared. He noiselessly put the combination in and opened the door, pulling out some of his textbooks, and his iPod that he bought years ago with his own money.

Roxas closed the door, put on his headphones, and started walking towards the school exit. He fiddled with the iPod in his hand, putting his Pierce the Veil songs on shuffle. He closed his eyes, eagerly listening to the music that helped him escape reality. He pushed the exit door of the school open, ready for the long walk to his house that awaited him.

As he was walking up the driveway to his house he felt the phone in his back pocket vibrate. He pulled the phone out and looked at the text.

**From: Riku**

**Hey Roxas! You wanna come over and spend the night? It'll be me, you, Sora, Axel, and Demyx. That ok? **

Roxas sighed, contemplating whether he should go or not. What if something happened and he got triggered really badly, what would he do? Roxas knew he was a slave to his urges to cut, burn, or whatever suited him at that moment. After deciding he would go and hopefully would come home the following day unscathed, he opened the door to see his mother, sitting on the couch watching TV.

Roxas walked towards the woman that was sitting in the black chair, "Hey Mom, can I go to Riku's house and spend the night tonight?"

His mom sat unmoving and replied, "Whatever, it's not like I give a shit about you anyway. The less I see of you in _my_ godamn house the better."

Roxas nodded and said his thanks before walking upstairs to his room. He thought about his Mom and how she was happier than usual today. He entered his room and emptied his black school bag, stocking it with a change of clothes, a toothbrush, his iPod, toothpaste. Then he made his journey across the carpeted floor to the bathroom. He opened the cabinet under the sink and pulled out the lighter, knife, and plastic container of isopropyl alcohol, just in case. He put them in a pocket of his school back, hoping no one would dig through his bag and find the hidden items. Roxas suddenly remembered that he had to tell Riku he could come and ask for a ride. He was the only one of his friends that didn't have a car. He didn't really go many places though, and where he did go he walked, so it wasn't a big deal. He pulled out his phone and started typing his message.

**To: Riku**

**Hey Riku! Yeah that sounds great! Would you mind coming to pick me up?**

He pressed the sent button only to feel his phone vibrate in his hand about 20 seconds later.

**From: Riku**

**Yeah sure man, I'll be over in about 10 minutes**

Roxas replied with a 'thanks' and waited outside his front door for Riku's arrival. He hasn't been over to Riku's house in months so he was happy to go spend the night, but he still couldn't put the nagging voice in his head to rest. It was the voice that told him to be weary and careful to make sure no one found out his secret, but if they did, he would just move on, distancing himself even more from everyone.

Hello everyone! We have now met Axel! What did you think of him, was he in character, was he super out of character? Man I hope not! Please Review and tell me what I could do better! And if anyone would like to be the beta reader for this story don't hesitate to ask, because I really need one!

-Chloe


	3. Chapter 3

Hey my amazing readers! Hopefully this chapter will be better than the last one! Anyways, Thanks for reading! Also please review! :D

Roxas gazed up at the calming shadowy sky as he waited for Riku to show up. He tried to relieve his mind of worries of what might happen at the sleep over that awaited him. He wasn't aware that he was pulling the sleeves of his hoodie down to the point that the black garment was covering his hands. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad though, maybe he could have a good time and be able to enjoy the company of his friends. He knew this probably wouldn't be the case and thought how he shouldn't get his hopes up. Roxas jolted a little when he heard an obnoxious honk of a car. He looked towards the red vehicle that he only just realized the presence of and waved as he saw the person in the driver's seat was Riku. He strolled to the car and pulled the passenger seat door open.

He looked at Riku with a small smile on his face, "Hey Riku, thanks for picking me up."

Riku smiled back at him and drove forward to his house, "Don't mention it, you can repay me by letting me win at the poker we're going to play later."

Roxas laughed at the reply, "Man it's been a long time since we've played poker. I wonder if my skills are just as good as they used to be."

Riku nodded and kept his eyes fastened to the road. He thought about all the old good times he used to have with Roxas, but that was quite awhile ago. Ever since the incident Roxas had become distant, he was close, but also out of reach at the same time. What could you do though; you can't get close to someone without their consent. Of course though it was also Riku's fault they grew apart, he didn't worry about Roxas with much intensity ever since he started dating Sora, who was Roxas' cousin. Sora was always worried about Roxas. Sora had tried to help out Roxas and his aunt, but his efforts were fruitless. Before he realized it they had arrived at his house and he drove up the generally proportioned concrete driveway.

Roxas looked through the windshield to the red brick house that he hadn't seen in a year or two. He remembered the fun times he used to have with Riku. Roxas used to come and spend the night every weekend. They would play video games, Riku always won at those, but with the lack of skill he had for video games he made up for in card games. Card games were Roxas specialty, Gold Fish, Crazy 8's, Golf, Poker, War, Speed, and Egyptian Rat Screw, all of card games and more he beat Riku at every time. It always bewildered Riku how he could even win at the games that were pure luck. Riku even tried cheating once, Roxas still won.

He pushed the car door open and made his journey up the driveway to Riku's front door. Riku unlocked the door to the house and stepped in, taking his shoes off. Roxas did the same. They made their way to the kitchen and spotted Sora, Axel and Demyx all waiting for their arrival.

Sora's eyes lit up as he saw Roxas, "Roxas, it's been forever since we did something like this!"

Roxas stood with his eyes wide as Sora ran up to him and gave him a lengthy firm hug, "Yeah I know, I've missed having fun with you."

Roxas enjoyed the hug, when's the last time he's been hugged? Roxas had no idea when that was, surely when they were still alive, that was probably the last time. He smiled down at Sora, who pulled back and walked back to where he was previously standing and drank a glass of water he had made for himself a few minutes prior to Roxas' and Riku's arrival. Roxas looked to the rest of the group. He waved to Axel and Demyx who were leisurely standing in the kitchen along with them.

Roxas realized he still had his bag tightly tucked at his side, "Hey I'm gonna go put my bag in your room, ok Riku?"

Riku nodded and started making idle conversation to the rest of the group as Roxas made his way up the stairs to Riku's room. It looked the same, more or less. The bed was still in the middle of the wall north of him. The dresser still on the wall that was to the right of him, it all looked too familiar to Roxas. Oh how he missed those simple days that he knew would never be given back to him. He set his black bag on the wall, deciding to change into his pajamas now while everyone was downstairs. He pulled out the black and white fluffy pants and the black long sleeve shirt that went along with it. He went into Riku's bathroom and shut the door, making sure it was locked before discarding his current clothes. He pulled off his shirt and looked into the mirror, seeing the scars that covered his torso and arms. They were all different hues and sizes. He thought back to this morning and looked at the raised red skin of his forearm. He gently ran his fingers over the open wounds, taking pleasure in the feeling of them.

He suddenly remembered what he was doing and changed quickly, making sure to get downstairs quick before anyone came up to look for him. He sauntered into the kitchen and looked at the scene before him. Everyone was sitting at the table, waiting for Roxas to get downstairs so they could play some poker. Roxas smirked as he sat down, pulling out the money from his wallet. Everyone else did the copied his movements. Hours passed by, Roxas and Axel were the only ones still playing; everyone else had lost their money. No one was surprised Roxas was still in and was winning. Axel only had 3 dollars left, Roxas had 100. They played out their final hand and of course, Roxas won.

Riku sighed, "Still able to beat everyone."

Roxas grinned, "Of course!"

Everyone laughed and went upstairs into Riku's room, all of them pulling out mats to sleep on the floor with. Slowly but surely everyone fell asleep.

_Roxas stood in an unknown place, he looked around but his endeavors were wasted as the place he was in was immersed in fog. _

_Roxas called out, "Hello? Is anyone there?"_

_The fog, at a snail's pace, vanished. Roxas took in his surroundings, he was in a graveyard. He looked at the tomb stone in front of him. He ran his fingers over the cold unforgiving letters._

_It read, "Vanitas Strife, rest in peace, we'll miss you, but you'll always be in our hearts" _

_Roxas kneeled down and didn't notice the hot tears that ran down his face. He heard footsteps behind him and tensed as he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around to see Vanitas himself._

_Vanitas smirked, "Hello Roxas."_

_Roxas quickly scrambled to his feet, and hugged his deceased brother, "Vanitas! I've missed you so much! I wish you were here still, I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've visited you. I'm sorry it's my fault you're not alive."_

_Roxas just kept crying into his brother's chest, waiting for Vanitas to respond, "Your right Roxas, it is your fault. Why didn't you just tell them what was going on, why didn't you use your better judgment?"_

_Roxas looked up at his brother tears still flowing steadily. _

_He watched as Vanitas expression turned sour, "I hate you, y'know? I'd be alive right now if you just would've told them. I could be in college, living life, getting ready to get a job as a doctor. You know that's what I wanted to be right? Dad would be alive too. Your mistake caused everyone else pain." _

_Roxas winced after Vanitas' yelling, "I know, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry."_

_Vanitas just gave a humorless laugh, "Well there's nothing you could do now, you worthless bitch." _

_Roxas backed away his eyes glued to the ground, "I know."_

_Vanitas walked towards Roxas and pushed him to the ground, but instead of hitting the hard ground he kept falling, and falling. It's like he was falling down an infinite hole, but he thought too soon as he saw the ground, and at the speed he had built up, there was no recovering. As the ground got near he closed his eyes. Embracing the death that was sure to befall him, thank God this was all over. It would be easier from here on out, not so lonely. Maybe in the afterlife he could eventually get his brother and father to forgive him. _

Roxas sat straight up, his eyes wide open. He felt hot and disgusting. His clothes were drenched from sweat. He panted for a few minutes, trying to calm himself down to no avail. He felt a little dizzy as he made his way out of Riku's room and to the kitchen. He opened a door to the cupboard and pulled out a glass. He soundlessly walked to the fridge. Roxas tried to calm his breathing and heart as he filled the glass with some water. He walked to the white door that gave him access to Riku's backyard and opened it, letting himself outside.

Roxas closed his eyes and let the gentle wind sway him. He put the cold glass to his lips and drank, enjoying the temperature as it contradicted the way his hot and sweaty body felt. He contemplated pulling up his sleeves to release himself of some heat, but decided not to just in case someone came looking for him. Roxas opened his eyes again and looking at the gray tile that made up the patio outside. He liked the color of it, it was a dark charcoal color, but with the moonlight shining on it you could tell it had some light gray tones in it also. He then shifted his gaze to the grass. He loved nature, the way it was self sufficient. It didn't need anything special to survive. All it needed was what surrounded it. It made do with what it had and that was it.

He closed his eyes once more, but they quickly shot open as he heard the door open and someone else stepped out of it.

Axel smiled softly at Roxas, "Oh there you are, missing boy."

Roxas frowned at the name, but turned so Axel wouldn't see it, "Sorry if I woke you up."

Now it was Axel's turn to frown, "It's fine, more importantly, are you ok?"

Roxas nodded quickly and mumbled, "Yeah, I'm perfectly okay."

Axel took a step closer, Roxas noticed this and stepped back, "Are you sure you're fine, cause if I recall most sleepovers I've had over the years, people don't randomly get up and go stand in the backyard?"

Axel still continued his steps to get closer to Roxas, "Yes, positive, now please back up. I'm not one for others invading my personal space."

Axel looked down to the ground and nodded, "Oh sorry. Hey do you have your phone on you?"

Roxas stared at Axel confused, "Ummm yes. Why?"

Axel put his hand out, "Let me see it for a second."

Roxas handed the cell phone to him and watched as Axel quickly typed in his name and number into the phone.

He handed it back as he stared into Roxas eyes that resembled the dark depths of the ocean or maybe the sky at dusk to make sure Roxas understood what the boy with hair that looked like fire was saying, "Here, I put my number in there, if you ever need to talk or need help just call or text me okay? I'll always make sure to answer."

Roxas just stared at the redhead, "Um ok, thanks Axel."

Axel smirked back at him changing from serious to teasing real quickly, "Your welcome Roxie."

Roxas narrowed his eyes at Axel, "Don't call me that."

Axel grinned at the blonde, "Awww come on Roxie it can be _my_ name for you."

Roxas just sighed, "Whatever, let's just go back upstairs."

Axel laughed making sure to use his new found nickname for the blonde as much as possible, "Sounds good Roxie."

Sorry for making this one so long, I already knew what I wanted to do with it, it just got length-ier with all the unplanned details and conversations and what not. Anyway, I hope you liked it. Please Review :D I really would like to know what you think!


	4. Chapter 4

Hello great great readers! How are you? I am happy cause I just finished my fucking science project in 2 hours. And it looks freakin awesome! Ahhhhhh the life of a procrastinator, it feels great when you know that you only have a few hours to finish your school work. Anyway, I shall try to make this chapter as good if not better as last chapter! :D Review please!

Roxas looked at the wall ahead of him as he lied down on the mat that Riku gave him. He pondered about the new boy, Axel. He wondered if he would be the one, the one he could tell all his secrets to that is. He pondered this way about all his friends individually, wondering if one of them would ever do something to gain his trust. Maybe they would find out accidentally, without consent, which was the way it would most likely happen. Roxas hated showing people his vulnerabilities, he preferred himself being seen as strong. If Roxas had his way, no one would ever know his being was slowly being eroded away, inside out. He had no idea what he would do when all there was left would be the space where he used to be. He'd just have to make do.

He closed his eyes and turned over, much of what he'd been doing the past hours; he had repeated this process ever since Axel came to get him and brought him back from outside. The encounter of what he had with him downstairs had been very surprising, but not surprising. He wouldn't be surprised when things turned out the way they do with everyone else. Roxas would start to back away a little bit, making sure to distance himself the smallest amount, to make sure he would go un-noticed by everyone else. And being the sly guy he was, he did. Of course after that he'd get a little more distant, then a little more, and then a little more until you realized the two people were almost like strangers once more

Oh well, he would hopefully just play it out like the rest.

Roxas almost frowned at that, letting it play out like this. He hoped secretly maybe one day, he would be saved. Someone would save the boy inside. If they didn't of course he wouldn't blame anyone. He brought this upon himself. And he would stay like this the rest of his life, blaming himself, right? He softly shook his head at the thought, that probably wouldn't be so bad, not when that's how it should be. Not when it's what he knew he deserved. He decided to abandon his thoughts, listen to his iPod, and fall asleep to that.

Roxas' became half alive again when he heard some muffled voices in the room. He tried to fall back into the emptiness that was sleep, but of course he did not get what he wanted. He coaxed himself into sitting up, convincing himself that when he got up and around he wouldn't be so tired. He held the sleeves of his ill-fitting shirt with his fingers as he put his arms above his head to loosen his muscles before starting his day. Roxas also rolled his head around in circles trying to relax but stay awake. As one last attempt to ready himself for the day he rubbed his tired blue eyes.

He then remembered the voices that woke him from his gentle slumber and glared around the room. His eyes were met with the sight of Axel, Demyx, Sora, and Riku all huddled in a corner and talking quietly. He stood up, trying to be as silent as possible and made his way under Riku's bed to get closer to the conversation without being seen. After crawling from one side to the other he perked his ear up and tried to listen to what the quartet of teens were saying.

Roxas closed his eyes in an attempt to get his ears to work better, "Maybe we could get some markers and draw on him?"

Demyx put that idea on the table but it was quickly shot down by Riku's reasoning, "No too risky. If I remember correctly from all the times Roxas has spent the night, he is a light sleeper, and he would wake up the second we all got within a marker's reach of him."

Roxas could see the back Demyx head go up and down in a nod motion. He could only see the faces of Riku, Axel, and half of Sora's. Riku rested his head in his hand as the thought of ideas. Axel was squinting and looking up with a concentrated expression on his face, also trying thinking of a fun way to wake up the blonde. Of course it would only be fun for them and not the blonde. Sora had his eyebrows knitted together and was glaring at the floor, still deciding if he should help them or not, he was apprehensive about the idea from the beginning.

Axel got wide eyes, looked at all of them with a grin, and rubbed his hands together in a menacing way, "I know, we should just pour a bucket of cold ice water on Roxie!"

They all raised their eyebrows at the idea but nodded none the less. They all huddled even closer and made real plans that would hopefully be soon set into motion. After a minute or two they all silently stood up and made their way to the door.

Demyx also looked at the mat Roxas was on while he was walking towards the door, noticing he wasn't there, "What the hell? Where's Roxas?"

They all turned their heads to the mat, with their backs to him. He smirked as he crawled out from under the bed, in an effort to scare them.

His efforts were not gone to waste as they all turned around, saw Roxas, and visibly jumped "Holy shit, man you freaking scared the hell out of me."

Roxas laughed at how easy he just scared them all. Who knew that 4 teenage boys could be scared without really doing anything?

He kept laughing and put a fist in the air dramatically, "Yep well that's what you get for messing with the great Roxas Strife, punks, now to the video games!"

They all rolled their eyes but followed Roxas to the game room anyway. Riku went to the Xbox and popped in his newly bought Halo 4 game that he picked up a few days ago. The other boys all made themselves comfortable on the black leather couch that accented the navy blue colored walls well. Sora was sitting near the edge of the couch but made sure to leave enough room for Riku on the end. Demyx was snuggled between Sora and Axel. Roxas was on the other end deciding whether to snuggle up with Axel or the arm rest that signaled the end of the couch. He reminded himself that he did have some common sense and leaned closer to the arm rest making it where only his feet touched Axel's knee since his legs were on the couch with his knees pushed out and his feet pushed in.

Riku made sure to grab some blankets from the closet that was placed right outside the archway of the game room. He pulled out 3 blankets, one for him and Sora, one for whoever wanted their own, and one for who didn't mind sharing. He threw one at Sora and the other two in the vicinity of Axel.

Demyx noticed that there was one small blanket and gave Roxas and Axel the saucer wide sky eyes and looked at them, "Please can I have my own blanket, please?"

Axel looked at Roxas for approval and he sighed and nodded. Axel handed the blanket over to Demyx who smiled happily and snuggled deep into the couch and half into Sora. Riku noticed this and sort of glared at Demyx for a second but decided not to worry since he didn't want to get mad over that when he knew Demyx didn't have any hidden intentions.

Axel just threw the large soft dark green blanket over them both, realizing that with the distance between them it didn't quite cover Roxie all the way. So to fix this problem he scooted a little closer to Roxas, the new distance between them was the same just a little less. Roxas noticed this and looked at Axel with a small smile, but actually feeling a little uncomfortable from the movement. He could live with it though so he pushed any feelings of discomfort to the back of his mind. He rolled his shoulders back and rolled his head around in a circle in an attempt to relax once more. He did start to relax but jumped a little when an Xbox was thrown at him. Of course he caught it, not having any desire to break the sweet, sweet controller.

He focused his eyes on the screen and got ready to kick some of his friend's asses. Of course he knew this wouldn't happen since he sucked at Halo, and shooting games in general, he was more of a RPG (Role Play Game) type of guy. He was way better at things like Legend of Zelda or Phantasy Star, but to each his own right? And right at that moment… _he died_. And of course Riku stayed with his eyes glued to the game, but fist pumped in the air and said what Roxas thought was 'Take that!' Oh well, he knew he would never beat Riku at these, and that was just fine with that. Axel on the other hand started yelling curse words as he kept getting snuck up on and shot at by Riku. Roxas eyed the red-head with an easy going expression, laughing at his frustration. Axel noted this and fake glared at Roxas. It didn't last long though as the glare turned into a grin, then another curse as he died once more.

A few hours of that, ended in Axel standing up, pointing at Riku, and vowing that he would beat him at the game. Riku of course being Riku replied with a smart comment which then turned into them insulting each other back and forth. Roxas just sorta zoned it out as he stared at the tan carpet. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, realizing that he had his shift in 30 minutes and got up.

He looked at all four boys for a second, "Hey, thanks for inviting me over, I had a good time. Of course though, work calls and I must answer. Can one of y'all drop me off at my house? Sorry for the inconvenience."

Axel stood up suddenly, "I shall drive you home Roxas!"

Roxas raised his eyebrow at the display in front of him, "Um ok?"

Axel nodded and waved goodbye to Riku, Sora, and Demyx.

Roxas made quick time, grabbing his bag and heading out the door to Axel's red car. They drove to Roxas' house without much actual conversation; mostly it was only directions being given out. When they got to the nice looking house that was a shelter for two broken people Roxas said a quick thanks and started to get out of the car.

Axel thought for a second, "Hey if you want, I can drive you to work too. I have nothing else to do."

Roxas sighed, "It's fine Axel."

Axel let a lazy smile tug at his lips, "Ehh I'd rather just drive you. Should I come inside or wait out here?"

Roxas widened his eyes at the thought of Axel coming in and meeting his Mom. He turned around making sure he couldn't see the expression that adorned his face, "Um no, if you insist on taking me to work just wait out here ok?"

Axel raised his eyebrow at the change of behavior from the blonde, but figured it wouldn't be good to pry since he only met him yesterday, "Ok I'll be waiting."

Roxas hurried inside the front door, not wanting to be seen or heard as he went upstairs, changed shirts, made sure he had his jacket on, and grabbed his name tag. He scurried out the door and back into the car in about a minute flat.

Axel eyed the blonde, "Wow that was quick. You know you didn't have to rush just because I'm taking you."

The blonde looked down to the black carpet of the car, "Sorry"

Axel frowned and sighed before starting the car back up, "So, where do you work anyway?"

Roxas grinned at Axel, "Game Stop"

The redhead with the eyes that are sometimes described as feline gasped, "Really? I've wanted to work there forever, but wasn't lucky enough to get chosen."

Roxas gave a short laugh and thought about what he was going to say next, "Well y'know at the one I work at someone just quit so maybe you can send in an application and I'll recommend you to the manager."

Axel's eyes stared at Roxas with a gleam but then remembered he was driving and looked back at the roads, "Man that'd be awesome! Imagine it Roxie, you, me, working in the Game Stop, having fun!"

Roxas felt his cheeks heat up as he stuck his left hand into the right sleeve of his jacket and started rubbing scars, "Well we might not have the same shifts though."

The pyromaniac frowned at the thought, "Roxie, don't be so pessimistic."

Roxas looked down, "Sorry."

Axel grinned easily, "It's fine Roxie."

The redhead slowly pulled into the parking spot right in front of Game Stop, "See you later, text me if you need anything or want to talk or hang out ok?"

Roxas nodded and made the walk inside the store

Sorry if its bad, I wrote this at 4 in the morning XD so damn tired though! Man I hate the school that I have on Monday….. Oh yeah so Roxas works at Game Stop, figured that'd be a bad ass place to work! So please review and what not!

-Chloe


	5. Chapter 5

Hello My great readers! I'm so nervous cause I'm playing my first tennis match tomorrow! I really hope I don't lose 6-0, 6-0 or something like that. Man that would be depressing…. But anyway here is chapter 5! Please review :3

Roxas pulled the door to Game Stop open effortlessly and walked inside silently. He was surprised to see a boy with short and layered dark grey hair. From the angle the Roxas was standing he could only see the back of his head. He thought about what he should do, wondering if he should greet the boy or not, but his thoughts were put to rest as the boy turned around, he must've noticed that the door opened and assumed it was a customer. The grey haired boy eyed him for a second; when he noticed the shirt that identified him as a worker he turned back around, sticking his nose in the book he was reading beforehand.

Roxas' gaze was stuck to the icy blue eyes that looked him up and down. He felt as if they could see right through him and were immediately analyzing him. The boy's eyes looked cold, almost like they were unforgiving. He wondered if that's what his eyes would look like if he let his guard down. He then realized he probably looked like an idiot, just standing a step inside the door, looking down, and thinking. Yep that's most likely what he looked like to the new worker, if he was still looking at him after the initial eye contact. Roxas looked up. He wasn't. Roxas walked forward and into the 'Employees Only' door. That was when he came to, to the fact that he didn't bring anything to entertain himself. Damnit, normally he brought a bag with his DS Lite or his sketchbook in it. Oh well, maybe he could make conversation with the new guy, if he could get the guy to look up from his book that is.

Roxas quickly took a U-turn and made way to behind the counter. He walked around the new guy and stopped when he was standing behind the register closest to the door.

He turned and faced the new guy, holding out his hand, "Hi I'm Roxas, you must be new here, or is it a shift change?"

The guy lifted his head and looked at Roxas with a stoic expression and shook his head quickly, "It would be that I'm new here. My name's Zexion."

Roxas nodded his head in understanding. When the blonde made no move to further the conversation Zexion returned to his book. Zexion put his thumb in the page that he was on in one hand and flipped the pages he held in his other hand, estimating how much he had left of the book. The touches of the pages were contradicting in a way as they felt rough and smooth at the same time. This action was something he did often.

He thought about the school he was attending on Monday. Zexion didn't really like the place since it was full of stupid kids, people who called him a nerd, or people who fell into both categories. He thought about the high school he would be attending a couple months from now since he would be soon moving and therefore would be going to a different school. That same reason was the why he applied for a job over here. Sure the commute was an hour from his current living arrangement, but why not get a job that would be near his future home rather than keeping the job he used to have and then scrambling for a new job when he did move? This was not a surprising act since Zexion was always one to think ahead, one to think about what was better in the long run. He was a thinker; he made the moves that would benefit him, and he did this calmly and swiftly. And that was how he would get through life, despite the issue of what he wanted to do after high school. Deciding what he would do with the rest of his life after that first chapter was one of the things he had thought about countless times, but never found a solution. Maybe he would be a house-husband or something? He shook his head at the thought and returned to the book.

As Roxas stood behind the register and pressed his hands into the counter top, pushing himself on his tippy toes he put the puzzle pieces together and realized that a position for Axel to fill here is no longer available. Not that that was a terrible thing. If Axel worked here he probably wouldn't be able to relax. Axel would probably joke around or pull a prank on him or something, and that wasn't something Roxas wanted to deal with, not that he took this job seriously or anything. He knew he wouldn't spend the rest of his life working at Game Stop, he knew he wouldn't spend the rest of his life in this town. and he knew that he wouldn't spend the rest of his life living with his Mom who hates him. How he would get from point A, which was the life he had now, and Point B, which was the life where he didn't live here and didn't work here, he didn't know. Maybe that would be what happened though? At least he was positive he wouldn't live with his Mom for the rest of his life. Roxas would rather be homeless than being a loser who lived with their mom's until they were 30, not that his mom would let him live there past high school anyway.

Roxas mind then zeroed in on the original thought he had, which was Axel couldn't work here. He silently pulled his phone out and typed on the keyboard.

**To: Sexy Redhead ;) **(Roxas rolled his eyes at this and made a mental not to change the name later)

**Hey Axel, sorry but it turns out they already filled the position. **

Roxas laid his phone on the counter and after waiting about 30 seconds it buzzed and lit up; notifying him that he received a text.

**From: Sexy Redhead ;) **

**Well that's ok. Next time I'll get to them first! Oh and do you like the name I put for myself, I knew you were thinking it I just figured I would put it into words. ;)**

Roxas blushed when he read the text, but scolded himself for doing so

**To: Sexy Redhead ;)**

**Oh yeah it's just lovely, aren't you just a great mind reader :P? Hey what's your last name?"**

Axel, who was currently sitting in his room at home the time, was groaning at his math homework that wouldn't leave him alone. He narrowed his eyes at the distraction and typed his last name none the less.

**From: Sexy Redhead ;)**

**Kasai, why? **

Roxas smirked as he typed a different name for Axel in his phone.

**To: Axel Kasai**

**So I can now have your name in my phone as your real name and not how you inaccurately think I see you ;)**

Axel in turn, glared at the message.

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Whatever Roxie, you know you can't deny that you think I'm sexy ;)**

Roxas raised his eyebrows at the text

**To: Axel Kasai**

**Oh really, cause I think I could deny that fact all day long?**

Axel, who had long forgotten his homework, sat and contemplated with the idea of asking Roxas if he was going to that swim thing that Demyx had invited everyone too

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Whatever you say Roxie, so are you coming to hang out at Demyx next Saturday and swim and stuff?**

Roxas stood and cursed himself as he forgot about his plans to hang out and swim next week. Hmmm maybe he could somehow go and not take any of his clothes off?

**To: Axel Kasai**

**I'm not sure, probably though. If I do go I won't swim.**

Roxas stood nervously and waited for Axel's reply, hoping he wouldn't ask questions.

**From: Axel Kasai **

**And why is that my dear Roxie?**

Roxas rolled around on the balls of his feet and tried to come up with an excuse, but his efforts were fruitless.

**To: Axel Kasai**

**Because I don't want to**

Axel thought of what to say, not wanting to pry. He was curious though

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Mhmmmm ok**

Roxas let out the breath he had been holding while waiting for Axel's text. He quickly typed a message out as a customer walked in.

**To: Axel Kasai**

**Yeah, I gotta go, customer has walked in. Bye Axel, see ya.**

Axel frowned at the text, not wanting his conversation with the blonde to end. He said farewell anyway, despite what he wanted.

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Ok Roxie, bye **

Ok sorry this was short. I'm sort of happy with this chapter since I had no idea what to do with this one.

/


	6. Chapter 6

Hey Readers, sorry this is probably gonna be short. I have to go to bed early . Stupid Tennis match in the morning. Also, sorrry if this is bad, I sorta had a lot of wishy washiness about what I wanted to do.. Enjoy and Please Review!

_Roxas laid eyes on the body in front of him. Oh the peaceful look that adorned it, words couldn't describe how terrifying that look was. The high-pitched beep ran throughout the room, signaling that his brother was indeed dead. He closed his eyes tightly. This wasn't real right? When he woke up Vanitas would be alive, wouldn't he? He pushed the thought away that told him that in fact this was reality; he locked it deep, deep in his mind. He wasn't ready for any frame of mind like that to surface anytime soon. He felt Vanitas' hand, it was cold. And that was when Roxas snapped, he screamed as loud as he could. _

_Why?! None of this was right! None of this should have happened! This is all fucking wrong, every single damn detail! Vanitas' can't be dead, hell in a few months he should be going off to college! And then he realized: Vanities' would never have a future now. He wouldn't get to live to see the world, he wouldn't meet the girl of his dreams, and he would never have kids. Vanities' would be buried 6 feet underground, never to see the light of day again. Vanitas' eyes would never have any life put back in them. _

_It was his fault. He could've done something. Why didn't he do anything? He knew what Vanitas' was doing, why hadn't he told anyone? Why hadn't he stopped his beloved brother? What was he thinking? What was wrong with him? Now Vanitas' was gone, forever. Vanitas' would never live the life Roxas would. Roxas would be able to go live and have a real chance at ' would never get that. And it was Roxas' fault. He stood up from the hospital chair only to fall onto his ground on his hands in knees. What was wrong with him?! Why?! He grabbed at his blonde hair, which was dampened from the rain he had walked in through the parking lot. He pulled at it, as if that would help get those haunting thoughts out of his head. Of course his attempts were fruitless. _

_He didn't even notice the hot tears that kept streaming down his face and dropped silently to the tiled floor. He didn't notice the nurses that rushed in at the sound of the squealing of the heart monitor and Roxas' screaming. He didn't notice his Mom, who had just gotten there and was rubbing his back. He didn't notice the puddle of wet on his back that was born from his Mom's tears. He didn't notice when his Dad also got there, pulling the remaining family members in a make-shift hug. He didn't notice when the doctor came in, giving his condolences. Roxas' just sat there, his head buried in his knees as he sat on the front his legs. Then he felt it, the change of scenery. He was suspended in a black wasteland. He felt as if he was floating, but felt trapped for the fact that he couldn't move. _

Roxas shot his eyes open, breathing heavily. He sat up rubbed his temples in an effort to calm himself down. He had a killer migraine and stray tears finding their way to the blanket on Roxas' bed. He silently thanked that what happened at Riku's house was only a minor nightmare. He didn't know what would happen if his friends found out about this. He slowly stepped onto the floor, pulling the black sweat drenched shirt over his head. He walked towards his bathroom, making sure to grab the pocket knife on the floor. He didn't waste any time rolling the waistband of his pants once and making one of the many marks on his lower stomach. He pulled the blades upwards, making a deep mark. It wasn't enough though. He made another one; it was horizontal and started at the top of the first one. He repeated this, feeling a little bit of his emotional pain chunked off. When he was done it was almost like he was somewhere else. He looked at the word carved deeply into his skin. It read 'PATHETIC'. He looked at his new creation; they were block letters across his skin. They weren't neat at all, due to the multiple cuts it took to create each line in a letter. He didn't care though; it looked rough, just like he was. It looked ugly, just like he was. Good, it was ugly, just like him. He thought about his dream again. He made another cut, hoping to get rid of the memory. Of course it was hopeless. He walked out after cleaning the new cuts. He discarded his pants and laid back on his bed, hoping for sleep to come. He didn't care about the blood that seeped out of him and stained his sheets. Not that it mattered; he would wash them tomorrow anyway. He thought about how he was haunted in his dreams too. He hoped he wouldn't dream this time, or at least be conscious to it since he knew that everyone dreamed every night.

Roxas sat in his Reading class, wincing when he sat in a criss cross position in his chair. The pain was nothing though compared to what other things that he's done to himself. He just sat as his teacher droned on about his assignments. He suddenly got an idea and opened up his notebook soundlessly. He started writing, pouring his thoughts into it. Roxas had always written in this journal, ever since his brother had given it to him. He liked writing his thoughts in there because it was almost like talking to Vanitas himself. He knew he would never get a reply from said boy, but he didn't care. He sighed as the bell rang, signaling that class was over.

Hey again sorry for the shortness. Next chapter will be better I promise! Please Please review!


	7. Chapter 7

Hello Readers!

Roxas set his tray down silently on the table, trying to make as little noise as possibly. He didn't want to add any more unecessary vibrations than there already were in the immense and loud lunch room. He was stuck with Axel to his left and Namine to his right, hmm that wasn't too bad. He glued a smile to his face and started talking about how the test in math was easy.

His cousin groaned, "Roxas, math's always easy for you. Let me ask you this, is it easy for us average people?"

Namine cut in, "Yep, it was pretty easy."

Sora cheered, let go of Riku's hand which was previously intertwined with his own, and put his hands up as if he was praying, "Thank God, my Mom knows math isn't my best subject, but she said I'd be grounded if I got another 70 on my math test."

Riku then ruffled Sora's hair and told him he would help him study, for real this time. They then reintertwined their hands and went back to the position they were in before, with Sora laying his head down on his hand and Riku's.

Roxas was then started staring off into space. He had another test during 5th today, History. God how Roxas hated history, that was his one academic weakness. He always had to cram the night before, in fact besides his nightmare, that's why he was exhausted more than usual. He thought about the word that was carved into his lower stomach as of last night. He sort of liked it there, it made him feel as if at least in some way he wasn't in his façade about how he saw himself.

When he thought about the word he was brought back to one of the first times he was called it. His mom had been yelling at him. It was years ago, before Vanitas death.

He didn't remember what he had done to get that treatment all he could do was imagine the angry expression on her face,

"_You know Roxas, your pathetic! Your Dad and I should've just aborted you like we had planned!" _

Ouch, that had stung, it stung a lot. Roxas remembered how he had felt at the time so unwanted, so useless.

_He listened to what his Mother had to say then he had just dragged himself upstairs, trying to not let himself go haywire. He closed the door as softly as he could. He then set himself softly on the bed and just sat there, staring at the plaid sat there with his legs crissed cross. It didn't register in his mind that the salty tears started falling until he felt them softly pool in his hands until they slipped through the cracks and onto the blanket. _

_He felt a soft knock on his door, "Roxas, are you ok?"_

_It was his brother Vanitas. Vanitas wasn't very close to Roxas, as he normally made an insult to him when he saw all that was disregarded when Vanitas gave Roxas a hug and comforted him. That was Vanitas, loved to make fun of you but was there to take care of you._

Roxas felt those emotions surface. A frown tried to push its way to Roxas face. He kept it at bay and settled for a straight face as he stared off into the sea of other kids, not really paying attention to anything around him.

Axel wasn't super engaged into the conversation at the table, though he did put in a witty comment with a smirk in from time to time. What really caught his attention and held it in a tight grip was the blonde sitting to the right of him. Axel studied the boys eyes, finding himself trapped in them. He faught against it and analyzed the emotions in them intstead. He could see it. The depression. It was all clear for him to see right in that moment. There like an open book, waiting to be explored. He turned and looked left and right, as if to make sure his actions of reading Roxas weren't being watched. The blonde's idle face regained Axel's attention.

He saw the dark sadness they held in them. Why, though? Why was it there, taking over the expression on his face. Roxas was concentrated but relaxed, maybe he was reminicing on a bad memory? Maybe someone brought up something and it triggered? Hmm these questions would have to stay unanswered for the moment. Axel was ok with that though. He didn't mind that, though he didn't disregard the questions completely. He kept them at the back of his mind as they ate at his curiosity a little bit. He wanted to get closer to the blonde he just met. Axel was a good people analyzer and was curious as to why Roxas was this way. He remembered how he thought getting close to Roxas was probably easy. The way Roxas carried himself as though he was happy told Axel that the boy wouldn't want anyone to know he was sad. He knew it would be hard for the boy to let him in. It was ok though. He liked the challenge.

Maybe he should ask Roxas to hang out later, if he didn't have work. He'd have to make up something though. Hmmmmm, what reason could he have Roxas come to his house, this would take some thought.

*enter line here*

Roxas sat in art, ready for the school day to end. He planned to go home, work on homework, listen to music, and draw. The bell rang and he quickly jumped out of his seat and left taking off rather fast. Axel silently cursed himself as he ran out the door, he hadn't expect Roxas to jump out of his seat and down the hallway like someome set him on fire. After sprinting down the hallway and surveying the throng of kids he finally spotted Roxas. Axel kept his sights on Roxas as he then put on a nonchalant demeanor and headed to where Roxas was.

Axel tapped the blonde on the shoulder, taking note on how the blonde flinched at the simple touch. "Hey Roxas? Can I ask you a question?"

Roxas sighed, his plans to go straight home have been delayed, "Well, no one's stopping you."

Axel grinned and then rubbed his neck, "I was wondering if you could help me with my math homework? I suck at it, and since it was mentioned at the lunch table that you rock at it, I figured I should ask you for some help."

Roxas looked around as Axel stood in front of him and waited for an answer. There wasn't really a reason to say no, after all he was 'calm and helpful Roxas' wasn't he?

Roxas bit his lip, "Yeah sure, lead the way."

Axel fist pumped, "Sweet, now follow me under the blue sky to the Axelmobile!"

Roxas rolled his eyes but followed the redhead none the less.

When they got to the car Axel opened Roxas door and winked, "After you, my lady."

Roxas glared, "First, I am a male just so you know. Second, if I was a girl I'd be way out of your league."

Axel let out a laugh and put a finger on his chin, making it look like he was thinking about it, "Hmm that's probably true, Roxie."

Axel made his way to the other side of the vehicle and climbed in. He twirled the keychain around his finger, it had 'VIII' on it, then put the key into the ignition.

It was silent in the car so Roxas decided to try to make conversation, "So how do you like school so far."

Axel thought about the question, "Hmmm it's the same more or less, there's just as much idiots in my old school as in this school. Of course though, my old school didn't have a Roxas in it."

Roxas just sat there, "Well I'm glad you get to experience my presence."

Axel kept his eyes on the road, "You too."

Roxas eyed the boy, realizing he didn't have his seat belt, "Axel, put your seat belt on."

Axel smirked, "What if I told you I like to live life dangerously."

Roxas voice held a sharp edge, "Axel put on your damn seat belt."

Axel raised his eyebrows, noticing the younger teens aprehensiveness and bite to Roxas' voice. Axel waited till they got to a red light and put his seat belt on. The sound of the click sliced through the silent tension of the room. Roxas hadn't meant to sound annoyed, angry, or whatever else he sounded like. He just wanted the other teen to be careful. Car accidents were serious and happened all the time.

Roxas mumbled for a second, "Sorry."

Axel shrugged off the apology and grinned cheekily, "It's ok Roxie, your concern only shows that you care for me greatly."

Roxas huffed and pouted like a small child, "You wish. I only said that cause if you died I wouldn't have anyone to drive me home."

Axel took his hand and held his chest, gripping the material of his shirt, "Ouch, that one hurt you know."

Roxas hmmm'ed and just stared into the road, looking upward from the horizon line and into the sky. They didn't talk for the rest of the car ride. Roxas grabbed his bag and opened his door, letting himself out. He shut it and looked at the redhead that walked beside him. Axel twirled his keychain around his finger once again and unlocked his front door. Axel stepped in and slipped off his shoes.

He looked at the blonde, "Um just take your shoes off and put them by the door, if you don't my Mom'll get mad and start saying stuff."

Only seconds later Roxas heard a laugh and a feminine voice, "I heard that."

A woman stepped out of what Roxas assumed what was the kitchen, he could tell cause of the wonderful aroma that swallowed up the house, she had long black midnight hair and was about as tall as Roxas himself was. She was very pretty.

The woman smiled warmly at Roxas, "Hello, I'm Axel's Mom. You can call me Mrs. Kasai or Tifa. I prefer Tifa though."

Roxas looked at the ground shyly, "I'm Roxas."

She laughed at the boy's sudden shyness, "Well it's nice to meet you Roxas. Are you staying for dinner?"

Roxas looked at Axel, wondering if that would be ok. The redhead smiled and gave him a little nod, "Um if you wouldn't mind me?"

Tifa studied the blonde boy, "Of course not! It's nice to see Axel's making friends."

Axel cut in before they got into a real conversation and his mom started embarrassing him, "Mom, we're gonna go upstairs and do homework."

The woman nodded and went back to fixing dinner.

Axel led the boy upstairs. Roxas looked around, the house was a little larger than average. It was nice. Roxas' eyes looked at the game room; they had a Lord of the Rings pinball machine, a Multicade, Dragon's Layer, and a Space Ace game. Roxas would definitely come back here one day and beat the high score on both of those.

Axel picked up on Roxas' gaze, "One day you can come back over and try to get the high score on those, not that it'll matter since I am the master."

Roxas made a scoff sound as Axel cracked his knuckles and walked with his hands behind his head cockily. Axel stopped in front of his room and saw Roxas halt all the same. He slowly turned the knob, walked in, and stepped to the side, letting Roxas through.

Roxas was only half surprised at the room. It had bright red colored walls that made it look like the edges of the walls had been set aflame. There was a bed pushed into the middle of the upper wall with a black and white plaid comforter and black sheets. He was shocked to see the room was clean; Axel didn't seem like a neat person with his carefree demeanor.

Another thing he saw was a violin case propped open with a gleaming violin strapped inside safely, "You play the violin."

Axel smiled at the instrument Roxas had his eyes on, "Yep ever since I was 10. It's a beautiful instrument. I could play for you if you want, I don't suck I promise."

Roxas looked at the hopeful look on the redhead's face, "Nope we have math to do remember, maybe another time."

Axel smirked, "Ahhhh so you're implying your coming back, ne?"

Roxas ignored the comment and got the math homework out and sat on the comfortable bed. Axel did the same. Then they started working on their homework.

*LINE*

Axel was definitely right when he said he was bad at math. Not that he expected him to be super good though since he did ask for Roxas' help. Axel had thought about mentioning what had happened today, but didn't want the blonde to freak out or push him away. Axel asking Roxas about his deep dark secrets would come for another time.

Dinner was nice too. Axel's mom…. Tifa actually really seemed to take a liking to Roxas. She also told him he would be welcomed anytime. Roxas felt the same; he thought Tifa was really cool.

It sorta saddened him a bit when he remembered he had to keep Axel at arm's length, which included not coming here often like he actually wanted.

*LINE*

Sorry it's not longer; I am super super super tired


	8. Chapter 8

Hi Well this one should be longer and out earlier but my computer fuckin sucks

*Line*

Roxas pulled the white long sleeve shirt over his head, relishing the feeling of the soft material that ran over his scarred arms and torso. He sighed, filling the empty air with the sound. He attempted to rid his mind of the worry that clouded it; he scrutinized his appearance as he looked himself over in the mirror, his eyes narrowing. He looked at his blonde hair that had some shine, and then to his white shirt that sort of gave him an angelic appearance despite the demon he felt he was. His eyes strayed away from his torso and onto his lower body; he looked at the light wash jeans that were rolled up to show his mid-calf down. And finally, his eyes met the black and white checkered slip on shoes that covered his feet. Mhmm he looked okay. He checked his arms and torso again in the mirror to make sure the shirt wasn't the littlest bit of see through, he was fine.

He closed his eyes and sat down on the edge of his bed, not paying attention to how he was half on the floor since his under-weight-ness barely made the bed dip. He took in a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, he needed to relax, and there was no reason to stress out, right? Yeah, it was fine; he was going to hang out with Demyx and the guys, and also Demyx's new boyfriend that no one had yet met. The only reason he had to be nervous was that this little party would be in Demyx's backyard where they would all be swimming. What if he got wet and his shirt became transparent, what would happen? What would his friends think of him? Would they tell everyone? Would they think he's crazy? Is he crazy? Would he be alone again, more alone than he already is?

He stopped when he realized he was breathing quick and heavy, not in the mood for a bad panic attack of some sort. He needed to calm down. Nothing would happen. Nothing would happen. Nothing would happen. Yeah, he just needed to sway back and forth soothingly and repeat this though over and over and he should be fine. He threw that idea away, decided to lead his mind astray from the event taking place in an hour, and think about the past week. He'd been hanging out with Axel mostly all week; the boy wasn't that bad it turned out. Well to be specific, Axel didn't want to make Roxas punch him in the face 100% of the time, it was more like only 98% of the time. It also turns out, Axel fuckin sucked at math. Apparently, Axel wasn't the best in the grades department, but math was his extreme downfall. He was getting better though... more or less... less. It was okay, cause in time Axel would be a badass when it came to math! Roxas would see to it as his personal duty!

He had also got to know his co-worker Zexion a little bit more. He was nice, but quiet. Not that Roxas minded, he liked quiet sometimes. Zexion liked to read and apparently was going to start going to his school next week. Roxas said he would help show him around, though Zexion blushed and said he had someone else who already promised to do so. Roxas concluded he must have a girlfriend or something to show him around. Roxas could never picture himself in a relationship. He just was too closed in, never wanting to be opened. He didn't want anyone to see how vulnerable he really was. He didn't need someone who he could tell all his secrets to then end up breaking up with. That'd be his worst nightmare, someone to be with him and then betray him. He didn't need that.

Roxas just got tired off his mind thinking idly so he fully sat on his bed and pulled out his laptop. What could he find to occupy himself on the device? Hmm, maybe he could play some Minesweeper? He hadn't played that in a while so this was a good time to... Nah. Sudoku? Yeah that sounded better. He typed in sudoku in a search engine and the screen suddenly lit up with a ton of URL's. He quickly picked one and started playing as the box of numbers came up. Roxas always loved puzzles; he loved to be challenged and made to think. After finishing the Sudoku and clicking another one. He checked the time in the bottom right corner of the screen, 2:45, Axel better be here soon. Axel had asked on Thursday if he could take him to the party. Roxas didn't have a ride so he didn't really mind. It was better than being a hindrance to Riku by asking him to take him places all the time. He hated ever having to ask for help. He preferred to deal with his issues himself.

He was set free from his thoughts when his phone buzzed.

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Excuse me but I'd like to inform you that the hottest man alive has arrived at your house ;)**

Roxas rolled his eyes and started typing

**To: Axel Kasai**

**Oh, is it opposite day already?**

Axel just laughed at the text, already used to the blonde's jokes

**From: Axel Kasai  
You know it's a good thing I know how to read between the lines and can tell that you really said, "Axel you're the greatest! I'll love you forever!"**

Axel just smirked as he waited for Roxas' reply

**To: Axel Kasai**

**Whatever, I'm coming downstairs.**

Roxas took a deep breath and opened the door, stepping outside and narrowed his eyes at the change of light. He slowly walked towards Axel's car and opened the door to the face of a redhead grinning at him broadly.

Roxas raised an eyebrow at the expression, "Hi Roxie, ready to go fantasize after you see me with my shirt off?"

Roxas scoffed, "As if I'd fantasize about you."

Axel just drove for a second then poked Roxas gently in the arm at a stop sign. Roxas turned to see Axel with a big childish smile, "Come on Roxie you know you love me just as much as I love you!"

Roxas rolled his eyes, "Wow you must not love me at all then."

Axel just let out a 'hmph' and pouted. Roxas let out a little laugh at Axel's pout. It was, what's the word... interesting. It didn't really quite fit the face but he couldn't find the right word so it would make due.

Roxas was left alone to his thoughts. When he found the sight of Demyx's house it seemed to loom over him as he felt his stomach turn a few times. He surveyed his surroundings deduced that the guys must already be here because of the number of cars in the driveway, 2 familiar cars and one he's never seen before, it must be Demyx's boyfriend's He suddenly felt the urge to open the door and run all the way back to his house regardless of the distance. Of course thinking of how cowardly he was being he opened the door and straightened his posture. He'd be fine.

Axel, who had noticed the blonde's new sudden presence, raised an eyebrow, "Rox, you okay?"

Roxas grinned and looked at the redhead's jade eyes, happy with his new found confidence, "Never better! Now let's go!"

Axel laughed at the blonde's sudden eagerness and followed him inside. It seemed like this would be a fun party. Plus, he got to take his shirt off so that was an added bonus to hanging out with Roxas and the guys.

Roxas walked up the pathway and opened the front door nonchalantly, knowing that the guys would most likely be in the back, already swimming. He'd been here once or twice, so he was a little unsure of the pathway to the backyard, but it seems his memory ceased to elude him since it was easily found. He came to the knob at the back door and found his new resolve deteriorating. Was he sure everything would go as planned? He could just ask Axel to take him home, or he could go home by himself? He shakily neared his hand towards the door dark knob, gripping it like a lifeline and opened the door.

He glued a completely reluctant smile and pulled the door open a little too hard. He stepped outside and looked at what was going on. Riku was doing what seemed to be tickling Sora underwater. Sora was thrashing around; attempting to hold onto Riku's shoulders so his face wouldn't fall under the water. His hair, like everyone else's, was drooping down, taking on a darker tint from the water, and was somewhat sticking to his face. He was now smiling at Riku, looking genuinely happy, which he most likely was. It was a nice smile actually. Roxas wondered if it would look the same on his face due to the similarity in appearance. Maybe it would look nice on him.

He turned his eyes to Demyx who was sitting in the pool with someone; he couldn't tell who it was since they weren't facing towards him. He could see some dark gray hair though. Hmm it must be Demyx's boyfriend. That was forgotten though as Demyx's eyes widened at the sight of his best friends.

He jumped out of the pool and moved to hug Roxas, "Hey Roxas! I'm glad you could come!" Roxas took a step back and gestured at Demyx's wet body "Hi! Sorry I can't give you a hug, I don't feel like getting all wet and what not."

Demyx smiled apologetically and awkwardly stuck his hand out. He laughed as Roxas slowly shook his hand. Demyx noticed the presence of someone behind himself and turned around, it was Zexion. He grabbed the slate haired man's hand and pulled him forward into Roxas' view. He looked confusedly at how Roxas' eyes widened at the sight of his current boyfriend. He then turned to look at Zexion who was blushing cutely and mumbled out, "Hey Roxas, nice to see you."

Roxas' eyes widened at the sight of Zexion, he didn't think Zexion was gay, or that his boyfriend was Demyx of all people, he was happy for them though, they were cute. Opposites really do attract ne? He smiled reassuringly to smooth out any nervousness that was held in Zexion's eyes, "Hey Zexion, glad to see you too! I didn't know y'all were together, y'all make a cute couple!"

Demyx let out a little squeal and gave Zexion a little side hug, "Thank you Roxas! Yeah he's great! So how do you two know each other?"

Roxas answered quickly keeping that reassuring smile on his face, "Zexion just started working at GameStop with me, he happened to get the same shift. Small World right?"

Zexion nodded before quietly replying, "Yeah, I'm gonna get a drink inside okay? Any of you want anything?"

They all gave a shake of the head before Zexion stepped around Roxas and opened the door leading inside. Axel then came to Demyx's side and nudged him a little bit, "Aww he's cute Dem."

Demyx smiled proudly, his eyes giving out a gleam, "Yep that's my Zexy!"

Axel let out a laugh before patting Demyx on the back, running across the slick tiles of the patio, and jumping in the pool with a loud shout of, "CANNON BALL!"

Everyone laughed at the childish behavior. Axel popped out of the deep blue water and shook his semi-flat spikes. He resembled a big dog the way droplets of water got tossed around and made it seem like the sprinkler was going.

Axel then recognized the clingy material around his torso and whined loudly, "Damnit! My shirt! Mhmmm now I have no shirt to go home in! Well looks like I'll be driving home shirtless,-" then his whole demeanor changed and he winked at Roxas, "I bet your happy Roxas, you get to see this sexy body longer than everyone else."

Roxas just scoffed and turned around, hiding the blush that ambushed him, "Whatever, I'm going to go sit down."

Axel let out a hearty laugh, "You can't escape me forever Roxy!"

Roxas turned around and playfully stuck his tongue out, "Like hell I can't!"

He then stomped over to a beach chair and lied down, trying to relax. He put on some sunglasses, not wanting to deal with the intense light of the Sun. He pulled out his iPod and put in his ear buds. He scrolled through the screen, deciding on the Sleeping with Sirens song 'Bomb Dot Com V2.0' He loved the song, honestly. He let himself drift away to the sound of the singer screaming.

_I CAN FEEL YOUR HANDS ON MY FINGERTIPS_

_I'M SEEING OH SO CLEAR!_

Those were the last words he heard before he fell into an abyss.

*LINE*

Roxas only vaguely realized what was going on. His mind was hazy as it tried to adjust to its surroundings. He felt himself being lifted someone was carrying him bridal style, yet they held them as far away as possible from their chest. What the fuck was going on?! Only seconds afterwards did he realized that the deep water of the pool was awaiting him only a few feet away. He suddenly started thrashing around, trying to use his dry throat to scrape out a few words. His mind was scrambling. Hadn't he told Axel or one of them that he didn't want to swim? He could feel his adrenaline pumping high and his mind looking for an out as he was suddenly surrounded by the liquid that swallowed him whole.

Roxas' mind was reeling. His mind was thinking as if it was accustomed to strobe lights, flashing thoughts, pictures, memories, looking for something to get out of this situation. His lungs didn't hold that much air. He needed to decide now, fight or flight? What could he do though if he stayed, explain everything to his friends and then listen to them promptly reject them. No, that wasn't even close to an option. Everything was going downhill. Everything would be ok? What the fuck was he thinking?! He should've brought a towel or something, just in case! God, how could he have been such a dumbass?! It's all his fault now; he had no one to blame but himself. That thought alone made his airways constrict despite the painful situation they were already in.

He came up for air, his eyesight half blurry from water, at least that's what he told himself as the tears ran down his face. He looked around not wasting a millisecond of time. He saw a towel that had flames on it, it was closest. He grabbed it and pulled himself out of the pool his hands shaking uncontrollably. Roxas wrapped the towel around his torso, feeling at least a little less bare with his white shirt that exposed him now covered. His arms though, he needed to get out of here. NOW. His thoughts screamed at him, hurting him, pushing him, he needed to leave. He looked around, the back gate; a safe haven was passed there. There, he could be alone, right outside that door.

*LINE*

Ok you can beat me up. I deserve it. I'm sorry it's late, I had to get it read and what not. I'm sorry, do you still love me?


	9. Chapter 9

Hello! I hope you enjoy this chapter! Sorry for the cliffy last one!

*LINE*

Roxas stood there for what seemed like minutes, looking for a way out. His eyes scanned the backyard intently, quickly. His thoughts were bashing his being consistently. Telling him what an idiot he was, how worthless he was, how much he deserved this, how much of a monster he was, and of course, how much his friends now saw him the same way now. He felt the urge to grab his hair, pull at it in an effort to stop these thoughts, but he couldn't, due to the towel that required his attention and did a shitty job of protecting him from his 'friends'. He needed to get out of here. His eyes then found that they were looking at the back gate. Past there was freedom from the eyes of people he knew and that would judge him if he gave them the time. Past there, he could be alone; no one would see him vulnerable. He wouldn't have to worry.

So he grabbed his phone that lay on the table and ran. He ran as fast as his skinny legs could take him. What a coward he was, he couldn't face his problems, not that it was a surprise. He was a loser, a waste, trash, annoying, stupid, ugly, and never meant to find happiness. He fumbled with the lock on the gate; his hands couldn't keep themselves steady. He clenched them so hard that there was now moon shaped crescents dripping with red down his hands. The action seemed to at least give him a little control over his hands for the moment as he fumbled with the black lock and pushed open the gate door as hard as he could, as if that would help him get out of harm's way quicker. He felt numb now, or at least tried to find some imitation to it. The tears that continued to roll down his face signaled that he failed though.

He changed the position of the towel, making it where it covered him as if it was a cloak. God how he wished it was a cloak. He took note of how people would still be able to see his stomach due to the length of the towel. Shit, he prayed that he was moving too fast for anyone to notice. The eyes of other people on him, it gave him the feeling that they were damning him to hell, as if the situation he was in wasn't hell enough. As if everything that was already going on wasn't pushing him over the edge of sanity, if he had been sane in the first place, that was one thing he couldn't be sure of. Why couldn't he just disappear? Why hadn't he just killed himself long ago? Why? Oh yeah, he had realized he'd be in more pain if he kept on living with guilt and self hatred rather than taking the easy way out, suicide. Well looks like that was correct, he'd definitely be happier if he was dead right now. At this point, he wasn't even paying attention to where he was going, he wasn't paying attention to his legs that screamed for him to stop after he ran through about 2 neighborhoods. He was just letting himself aimlessly look around for something similar to freedom.

*LINE*

Axel stood there, looking dumbfoundedly at the blonde boy that stood in front of him. His eyes, they looked so scared, helpless, as if they were slowly being tortured and while hanging on to a little bit of life, were looking for a way out. His eyes tried to scan the boy's body, but to no avail, for Roxas had ran through the back gate in a matter of a second, only leaving the sound of the wooden fence slamming against its counterpart in the wake.

What the fuck just happened?! What had he just done?! He only tossed him in the pool to lighten him up. Why had he flipped out?! Why did he have to do that? Why didn't he just wake the blonde boy up instead? Why hadn't he just let him sleep? Why hadn't he let the boy with cobalt eyes keep the peaceful look on his face instead of the frightened one? Why?!

He had to find him, who knows what the kid would do in a stressed out state. Obviously Axel had underestimated the problems Roxas had. He just grabbed his keys and Roxas' iPod that he had forgotten and hopped into his car, going on a search. He ignored the yells and shouts of his and Roxas' name and put the key into the ignition, ready to clean up the damn mess he had made. God, why did he fuck up so badly? Roxas' reaction was not what he was expecting. He had expected him to get out of the pool and maybe hit him playfully on the arm, call him an idiot, or at worst, glare at him for the rest of the night. This was a million times more terrible than the whole bad scenario that came up in his mind while he threw Roxas in the pool. He tried hard to calm himself down while he was driving.

In one attempt to do so he found himself yell out while he was at a stoplight, "FUCK!"

It helped a little, not much though. Nothing could quench the worry and guilt that seemed to take residence in him, not until he found Roxie. Not until he could apologize over and over and ask for some forgiveness, not until he could help Roxas with whatever pain he had caused, not until a real smile and happiness were the only things that adorned the blonde's face.

He thought about all the times he had seen the blonde since they met; trying to figure out what had caused the blonde to freak out. He came up with nothing that tied to water. Sure he knew the kid wasn't as happy as he looked, but how did it connect to what happened at Demyx's house? Axel suddenly remembered that the blonde had grabbed his phone right before he had run out of the backyard. He parked into the nearest parking lot and pulled out his own phone texting Roxas as fast as he possibly ever could, naively hoping that the he would answer. He had to help Roxas after all the pain he caused, after putting that look on those cobalt eyes, and for doing such a cruel thing to the boy that held so many secrets.

*LINE*

Sora and Riku headed out just as soon as Axel did, wasting no time to attempt to save the lost boy. Sora was so worried about his cousin, he had no idea what made him freak out about Axel throwing him into the pool. Maybe it surfaced an unwanted memory of Vanitas or Cloud? Why didn't really matter as much as Roxas safety though. He could storm out of places, be a jerk, ignore him, throw tantrums; it didn't really matter to Sora as long as his cousin was safe. He couldn't stand to see another member of his family broken. He could help his cousin, only if he would let him. He had tried to get the blonde to talk to him before but was met with hostile answers to anything he asked. Maybe once they finally found him he could talk to him. He tried to ignore the nagging in his mind that told him Roxas would never do so. Hmm maybe he just had to wait for the person that would be a something comparable to a savior to Roxas and his family. Maybe one day, things would get better. He told himself this repeatedly as Riku rubbed reassuring circles into his hand with his warm one. It calmed him down to a degree, it helped even more when they were at a stop sign and Riku would kiss him and whisper in his ear gently that everything was going to be fine. When they find his cousin he would have to thank Riku immensely, tell him how great he was and how he doesn't know what he could do without the loving boyfriend he planned to never let go of.

*LINE*

Roxas, after about 2 hours of walking, running, and repeating, found his way home. Luckily, his clothes were dry by then. He was currently in his room and about to take a shower, as if trying to cleanse himself of the day he has had. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and throws it down onto his bed in a fit of rage. He then noticed how it lit up, signaling a text. He picked up the phone and carefully opened the text, wincing at the massive amount of them. There were about 30, most of them from Axel, some from Sora, some from Riku, some from Demyx, and some from Zexion. He promptly read each one out loud, filling the open air with words of anxiousness that were meant for him.

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Roxas I'm sorry for what I did, can you talk to me please?**

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Please, just talk to me? I'm so sorry; I didn't mean to hurt you.**

**From: Sora**

**Hey Roxas, I know you're upset but can you please tell me you're alright, maybe tell me what's wrong? Riku's with me, we just want to know you're alright and possibly help you.**

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Roxie, please I'm really worrying about you. I don't know what I did to make you react like that, but I regret it so much, just talk to me so we can work this out, please?**

**From: Demyx**

**Are you ok? Axel's really sorry about what he did to you; he didn't do it to be a jerk. We're all out looking for you, stay safe okay?**

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Roxas, it's been about half an hour since you ran off, you're really scaring me here. It's ok if you're mad at me, we can work that out. I really just want to know if you're safe or not. Please reply, I'm so sorry.**

**From: Zexion**

**We're all really worried about you, Roxas. Please contact one of us so we can at least know you're okay.**

**From: Axel Kasai**

**Roxas, I'm so sorry for the pain I've caused you. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take back what I did. I wish I could take the expression off your face that I saw when you jumped out of the pool. Please, please, please, please, talk to me. I want to help you; I don't want you to look that way, ever. I didn't mean to do that to you. I really need to know if you're okay though. I need to make sure the damage I did wasn't too extensive. Please, please reply, we can work this out. I'll do anything so we can fix this.**

Roxas rubbed his eyes, clearing away all the unwanted tears. He couldn't take reading anymore. He didn't mean to cause pain in everyone else. He replied to them all quickly, not wishing to cause harm any further,

**To: Zexion**

**I'm sorry I worried you. I didn't even know my phone was going off until I got home. I'm sorry.**

**To: Demyx**

**Demyx, I'm sorry I ruined your pool get together thing. It's my fault, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you worry or have you go out and look for me**

**To: Sora**

**Sora, thanks for the concern. I'm fine, I want to be alone. Tell Riku I said thank you also. I'm sorry I ruined your day. I didn't mean for everyone to go on a search hunt for me. Sorry.**

The next one though, he didn't know what to put at all. He stared at the name for a little while, before finally starting to type,

**To: Axel Kasai**

**Axel, I don't want to talk at all. I'm home. I'm fine. Please, leave me alone for a little while. I don't want to be near anyone at the moment.**

As he typed this he let a few stray tears fall freely before setting his phone down, pulling his knife out, stripping, and stepping into the shower. He had made sure to turn the water the hottest it could go, feeling as if he deserved to be in as much pain as possible. He washed himself quickly not wanting to get at all familiar with his body. After cleaning himself to the greatest extent, he flicked his wrist, not hesitating when he switched the blade out. He sliced the crook of his elbow, hissing at how deep it was. He deserved this. What a terrible person he was, running away while everyone was looking for him, worried about him. He didn't deserve anything good in the life he has now. He was a monster. He shouldn't be worried about, he doesn't deserve to be. He did this continuously, waiting until his arm had spelled one word out very clearly,

"SORRY"

He shuddered at the feeling of scalding water infiltrating his wounds, finding their way deep inside him. He wouldn't forget this moment, he also hoped he would have this word written on him forever, just to remind him what a fuck up he was, to remind him that's all he'd ever be.


	10. Chapter 10

Hey! Um sorry for this being late and the train wreck from last chapter, let's see if we can clean this disaster up, ne?

*LINE*

Axel sat in the driver's seat in his car, gripping the steering wheel like a lifeline as he waited for any sort of reply to his previous text. Would Roxas ever even talk to him again? He twitched at the thought, almost as if it was trying to get out of the guilt that trapped his being and turned him into what he was at the moment; a scared boy trying to do everything in his power to get rid of that aching feeling that he has felt before and never wants to again. It was all genuine; Axel was scared, filled to the brim with unwanted emotions that tore at his mind. The look on Roxas' face filled his mind like a picture that refused to find refuge somewhere else, how could he have done that so easily? Why did he have to be the cause of Roxas' newfound pain? What did he do to have someone look like that, to look like they were being tortured in every way possible and were begging to die, but found no salvation or peace as they were just tortured more? Why hadn't he looked at the boy's face as he had picked up the limp body and noticed that the expression of suffering went deeper than not wanting to get into the pool? Why did it have to be his fault for being so fuckin inattentive and insensitive?!

"_GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!" _Was whatfilled the air in the once silent vehicle. All that was heard were the yells of rage and the bang filled with sorrow that began its existence every time he let the steering wheel be released from his iron grip and hit it over and over. He just kept yelling continuously, looking for some salvation in the words only to find they were empty of anything except the raw emotion that had its hold on him.

And that's when his phone buzzed.

He fumbled around with trembling and unsure hands, trying his best to pull the device out of his pocket and hope—just hope that everything would be okay; that Roxas would say it was fine, he forgave him, and let them continue their journey down the road of friendship. Yeah, hopefully that would happen. Axel felt the peace of reassurance right before feeling his stomach drop, his heart crack a little, and his brain override with worry, anguish, anger, and guilt all at once. The words were written neatly across the bright screen, never had Axel hated his phone so much; he hated the news that it delivered despite how much what he had wanted to read was much much different. He looked at the words once more, hoping, praying that they would magically change; the words would fit themselves to his liking to save him from everything.

**From: MY Roxie**

**Axel, I don't want to talk at all. I'm home. I'm fine. Please, leave me alone for a little while. I don't want to be near anyone at the moment.**

Maybe he should just do what he said, maybe he should just the let the blonde cool off and by Monday, he'd be fine. Yeah, he'd just give Roxie some space and it would all just smooth over. He did say he was fine didn't he? Yeah, he did, and he probably is. Axel firmly told himself this over and over, he did this to get rid of the instinct that breathed down his neck and told him that Roxas wasn't okay, that he should be one minute closer to being near him instead of being one minute closer to his own home. He was just being paranoid, right? Yeah, that was all. When he parked he got out of the car and quickly into his bedroom, not saying anything to his parents that tried to question him about how the swim party went.

He just slowly and calmly shut the door and flopped on his bed, feeling some comfort in the warm covers that gave him security from the outside world. He suddenly remembered he had Roxas' iPod in his pocket and pulled it out. He sat up and stared at the thing with curiosity. He caressed it, softly kneading it in his hands as if it were a fragile child. He pulled it in close and held it at eye level. He inspected it carefully; there was a crack in the screen. He laughed, not surprised at the damaged screen for he has witnessed Roxas being clumsy before. A small smile formed on his face when he thought about a few incidents where Roxas had dropped something in the kitchen while getting a snack. He recalled when he had apologized for sending the dish tumbling to the ground with their food on it, and then glared at his hands, reprimanding them silently.

Axel went back to his position under his covers, this time with the iPod in front of his face. He closed his eyes, trying as hard as he could to forget that he should probably be at Roxas' house apologizing so much that the words would be spilling out of his mouth like they came from a swift river. The boy would be fine alone till' tomorrow. He kept that same thought drilled into his mind until about 3 AM that same night.

*LINE*

Roxas couldn't sleep, his mind continually giving him a living hell. He tried to just lie down and close his eyes, convince himself he was exhausted by the day's events and needed lots of sleep. When he closed his eyes he just felt like he was back in the pool water, feeling it take him in with no remorse or sympathy. Every time this happened he tried to just let the situation take him hostage and keep his eyes close, but it brought back the helplessness and the anxiety that came with originally being there. Roxas had tried to eat a snack earlier, but he threw it up about 20 minutes afterwards. He checked his phone for the time, it read, '3:07' neatly in white letters that contradicted the black background on the screen.

He sighed loudly, the sound reverberating through the room that was empty of anything happy. He layer down under the covers, feeling trapped under the heavy weight. He pulled his body out of them and assumed the same position. He groaned and hit the bed, feeling frustrated, without covers he was vulnerable and cold, with them he felt trapped. Why couldn't he just calm down? Surely he needed sleep whether he planned on going to school on Monday or not.

He jumped up lightly when he heard a loud bang that must've been heard no matter where you were in the home. It came from the front door, someone's here, but who could it be at 3 AM? Why would anyone want to be here, at the Strife residence? Despite his curiosity he stayed planted in his spot, not moving an inch. He felt frozen as he waited for the person to leave him and his Mother alone. Yet the sound rang on, the unattractive and heavy thud that came from knocking on the door with a large amount of weight. Why wouldn't the person just get the fucking message and go away? Roxas was beginning to get fed up as the person just kept on knocking consistently, not pausing at all.

His Mother though, was already past the point of annoyance and was settling in the depths of aggravation, "ROXAS STRIFE! GET THE FUCKING DOOR! SOME OF US HAVE SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE TO DO WITH OUR LIVES TOMORROW!"

That thought made him twitch, he hated the idea of wasting his life; the life his brother should be living with him. He shook his head, kept the tears that were building from his face, put on a blank expression, and walked out of the bedroom. His feet almost weightlessly padded on the carpet, he was trying hard to let his mother get sleep, and she needed it apparently. He kept his eyes to the ground until he arrived at the front door. The glass with intricate designs revealed someone with red hair in a large pony tail. Roxas let out a strangled whimper at the sight already knowing whose presence he was about to be graced with, but just continued to open the door. Axel's shoulders were slumped and his eyes were red, wide, and sad.

Roxas slowly felt himself enveloped in strong arms. He could feel the boy's warmth, closing his eyes and embracing it despite the sting he felt from being held so tightly. Cobalt eyes widened as he was then not only being held but then pulled against a chest. This action was done gently though, full of grace and softness. Axel's grip didn't loosen though; he kept the sturdy hold and just hoped that the boy that felt underweight wouldn't push him away. The thought about him being underweight stuck out in the redhead's mind. Was he not eating? Did he have an eating disorder? A thousand thoughts seemed to race through his mind as he ran his hands as sneakily as he could down the sides of his torso and didn't feel very much skin as he did bone. If the boy was eating, he sure as hell wasn't eating enough of it. Axel would make sure to change that though. The thought caused a small smile to be born on his face as he nuzzled the smaller boy's neck. Roxas felt fragile to Axel, though he did give off lots of body heat. He pulled back to look at the boys face and saw that his eyes were closed and he had a look of pure agony on his face.

Axel's smile then turned to a deep frown before he leant down and whispered in Roxie's ear while rubbing circles with his thumb in the other male's back in an attempt to help somehow, "Roxas, listen, we need to talk. I can't take this. Can you just grab some clothes and come to my house so we can work this out? That's all I want to do I promise, I want to work this out; I never want to see an expression like the one I saw on your face ever again. I want to become your friend, know you more, get closer to you , see you, understand you, that's all I want; I promise."

Malachite eyes just narrowed when the body he had in an embrace stiffened and stayed that way, "Roxas talk to me, please? Just tell me you'll say yes. Please please tell me you'll say yes. I can't rest till we're fine. I just can't stand to know that I may have done something terrible to you. I just can't let that go, not until it's resolved."

He let go of the boy to gauge his reaction. He had a reluctant and scared expression, his frown deep and eyebrows tightly knitted together. He must be thinking, worried about the outcome of either choice. It seemed as decades passed before Roxas nodded his eyes still tightly shut as if he was attempting to somehow escape reality. Axel looked down at the boy with the concerned smile as Roxas finally decided opened his eyes.

Axel whispered gently near his ear, "Ok, I'll be waiting downstairs. If you need me just tell me okay? I'll help you with whatever you need."

He gave him another short hug before discharging the other boy to go upstairs.

Roxas hurriedly grabbed his clothes, his hands shaking violently as he stuffed them into his black bag. He didn't grab anything else but his phone before he walked downstairs and onto the porch to see the redhead rubbing his eyes and leaning against the wall. The redness in them just brought out the green more, making it seem like a bright emerald that shined in the midst of a sea of pink and red. He remembered why he had made the choice of leaving once more when he saw the concerned look from Axel as they walked towards the car.

*LINE*

Ok basically I would've included what's going to happen next in this one, but that would just take a whole other chapter, sorry


	11. Chapter 11

Hey Guys! Ahh hopefully some conflict will be solved finally!

Oh and to my guest who keeps reviewing: You're in luck cause there is no cliffy this chap! Oh and you should get a account so I can reply in a pm or something!

*LINE*

Roxas turned to the window to stray away from the sight of Axel; he felt no relief though as the when it showed his own reflection. It was something he just didn't want to look at, something he openly refused to look at when he closed his eyes. Roxas, he just didn't know who he was mad at, when he tried to organize the feelings that were jumbled inside him; it just got him even more anxious. He squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on any base of emotion he felt, thinking he could build off that. He was angry, that's for sure, and at whom though, that wasn't so clear. He was mad at himself for running off and worrying his friends and not being on guard at the party, letting himself get into that situation. Another part though, the spiteful part, it blamed everything on Axel, it blamed him for throwing him in the pool, it blamed him for messing up what little balance he had, he blamed him for his confused emotions, and most of all he blamed him for not allowing him to be alone so he could wallow around for a few days. It was Axel's fault he wasn't able to figure any of this out, it felt weird not being left alone y'know?

Axel's gaze flickered back and forth between Roxas and the street that was just about bare at this hour besides the occasional car full of idiot drunk teenagers. He tried to pay attention to the road but found trouble doing this when the small blonde looked so distraught. The redhead winced when he saw Roxas' reaction to his reflection; his face had scrunched up before the cobalt eyes immediately were shut tightly. Axel's mind drifted off nervously to what was going to happen when they got to his room. He hadn't exactly thought it through well enough to decide what he was going to say to Roxas, and he didn't really want to flip the 'Unfilter' switch in his brain to make it where words were spilling out of his mouth like had a screw loose in his jaw. Yeah, who knows what'd he'd say if he did that, he'd probably scare the blonde boy right back into his home. He chastised himself silently, he should've come up with a plan before he just jumped up and drove away. Axel groaned inwardly, he knew he wasn't good about thinking ahead, but still he wished we would've had enough common sense to think more so he wouldn't screw this up. He tried to sort of make an outline of what he wanted to say in his mind, sort of like how his RELA teachers asked him to do that before writing a paper, which wasn't ever what he did either.

When they pulled up Axel put a long, skinny finger to his mouth; indicating that they needed to be quiet, he felt the urge to wink at the blonde but felt it was unnecessary for how on edge their relationship was at the moment. Roxas looked at the house; it sort of took on a foreign appearance to him, as if he was seeing things in a new perspective. He sort of saw Axel's place like somewhere to be careful in, almost as if when he got in there and he stepped on the wrong place, a mine would blow under his feet; maybe that mine was his sanity that was suspended by a single thread. Yeah, that's probably what it was, but Roxas wasn't sure if Axel expected him to feel this way. He wondered if Axel could sense how he felt, how nervous he was, how scared he was, and how he could feel his stomach sort of drop farther and farther as he kept thinking. Nah, he was probably just over thinking this; that's what he thought at least until he felt the passenger door click open, and he jumped very noticeably, enough to the point where he bumped his head into the ceiling. He looked back at the reason for his fright, he was met with a very tall skinny redhead at the edge of the door with his arm out, and politely motioning for Roxas to step out of the car like a door man would, with a grin on his face. Roxas did so stepping back after stepping out, making sure to be not too close Axel when the taller boy shut the door.

The concrete felt rough against the bottoms of his feet, it scratched, leaving surface marks and indenting its path. The evidence would be there for a little while, though he would forget everything about this one moment and feeling in a short amount of time. He wished everything was like that, if only he could just not be tainted with any memories, live freely in the present; that'd be nice.

He slowly shuffled behind Axel as the redhead took small and almost weightless steps towards the front door. He turned around making sure to use the same gesture for being quiet, but this time he added the wink, hoping to dispel any worry within the smaller boy. It seemed to somewhat do its job as Roxas attempted to show a smile, it more turned out like a straight face. The blonde's face abandoned the previous target for sight from the ground to straight ahead when he heard the door unlock with a quiet 'pop'. Axel quietly stepped inside his home, taking his shoes off as smoothly as possible and setting them next to the door. Of course, none of this mattered when the living room light came on.

Axel quickly put his index fingers over his ears to hopefully prevent too much damage from the yelling he was about to receive, "Axel! Get your ass in here!"

The redhead swiftly put his hands on Roxas shoulders and pulled the blonde boy in front of him as if he were a human shield before walking into the living room. He gave Roxas a pleading smile and looked at his mom that sat down on the couch, holding the TV remote in a notion that seemed to be from just turning the device off.

Tifa looked halfway tired as she gave her son her strongest death glare. The glare dropped as she looked at Roxas and turned into a smile. Roxas lifted the arm that was dead at his side and gave a slight little wave.

Tifa raised an eyebrow at him with an infectious smile, "Hello Roxas, would you mind telling me why you happen to be here at three in the morning?"

Axel, with the usual smirk, stepped in front of Roxas very suavely; sliding the smaller boy behind him in a protective manner.

He put his hand over his heart in a melo-dramatic way, "Oh Dear Mother, I'm so sorry. My poor, poor Roxie had a fight with his parents, he needed me for support. The fight was just terrible, feelings were hurt and threats were made. Finally, my little soldier texted me and told me he needed to be picked up so he could escape the horror. So here he is, taking refuge in our lovely home and in the presence of my beautiful Mom."

Tifa sighed and rolled her eyes, "Yeah okay, just go upstairs, you two go to bed. If I hear a sound of any video games or movies of any kind, Axel you will be grounded."

Axel turned his head at Roxas and grinned, "Yeah Mom got it."

They walked up the stairs, Axel standing behind Roxas with his hands on the other boy's shoulders; guiding him on where to go. Roxas tensed up at the physical contact. The redhead had been continuously touching him and he felt uncomfortable to begin with.

The touches were starting to annoy him and he snapped at Axel, "I've been here before and I'm not an idiot, I know where to go."

Axel froze, taking his hands off Roxas shoulders grimaced, and muttered, "Sorry"

He felt hurt at words, feeling as if Roxas didn't want him anywhere near.

Roxas winced, he hadn't meant it in a personal way, and he just didn't want to be touched. He walked in the door, which was surprisingly left open. He heard Axel mutter something about how he had no privacy or something or another before turning to Roxas and shutting the door, putting a serious face on.

Axel stood, feeling his body fill with nervousness, "Okay, serious talk time, let's sit down."

Roxas sat down in the middle of the bed, his legs crossed with his hands in his lap, "I'm all ears."

The redhead sat down, mirroring Roxas before sighing and looking him in the eye, "Roxas, I'm so sorry about what happened. I just, I wish I could change what I did. I know I can't and that any pain or discomfort I've caused you will always have been there, and I'm sorry. I know you had told me that you weren't swimming and I'm sorry I didn't respect what you wanted. I just wanted to mess with you, get you to relax a little y'know? I just want you to open up to me, so we can be better friends. You're a great person and I just hope you're not too mad at me to not want to continue this friendship. I'll understand if you want me to take you home or something. I hope though, from the bottom of my heart, that you'll forgive me, I know I really don't deserve it, but I just want to see more of you y'know? I don't know what I'll do if we don't talk or are friends or anything. I'm sorry"

Roxas sighed and looked at the covers, "Look, to be honest, I don't really know how I feel right now. I know you're sorry, and I know what happened is about half my fault. Right now I'm numb-ish emotionally so I can't really go off on you, but that doesn't mean I won't in the future. I'm exhausted though and I know you had good intentions, so for the moment it's fine, okay? I just, I don't want to think about what happened. It was a terrible experience, and I need sleep."

Axel was surprised at the bluntness from Roxas he had expected the boy to beat around the bush or just tell him he didn't want to talk about it at all. The thing that surprised him most was when he said it was his own fault, "Listen, none of this was your fault okay? It's all mine and it's cause I'm just a big fucking idiot who doesn't know anything. And I'm just sorry; no guilt should be on your part. We wouldn't even be in this mess if it wasn't for me. And yeah, I'm sure your pretty much dead by now so you take the bed, and I'll take the floor."

The blonde nodded, knowing Axel wouldn't hear any arguments about it. He pulled the covers over himself. He felt surprisingly comfortable, relaxed with his body under the blankets and his head against the pillows. He inhaled deeply when Axel turned the lights off and slid the sleeping bag he had laid out for himself. The scent that engulfed him seemed to take a part in calming him down, it was very soothing. He could finally feel the exhaustion whole heartedly; it seemed to take him over as he closed his eyes.

Even though he felt somewhat at peace, the memories sort of haunted him. He could still remember the same 'at risk' feeling he had when was being thrown into the pool. The helplessness, the fear, the anxiousness, the anger, the confusion, it was still so vivid. He kept his eyes closed when the silent tears started slowly making their way down his face and onto the pillow. The blonde heard some shuffling and the weight of the bed dip; he kept his eyes close nervously when the redhead got closer. What really surprised him though was when he felt a warm hand caress his face and brush the tears away.

Axel whispered, "I know this is all my fault, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cause you pain."

Roxas wanted to gasp but kept his face still, hoping the redhead didn't realize that he was awake. He liked the warmth that came from Axel's hand, he felt safe. After about 5 minutes of this he climbed back into his sleeping bag.

Well that was certainly interesting; he didn't expect such heartfelt gesture from the cocky redhead. He didn't know that Axel really cared about him like he did. Maybe talking to him tonight wasn't such a bad thing. Hopefully, he wouldn't regret his friendship with the redhead, though only time would tell. Roxas silently prayed, pleading with whoever was above him to let the redhead be what he thought he was.

Those endlessly dark ocean eyes found themselves soon weary and ready to take a rest. He let his mind wander as he fell deeper and deeper into oblivion. He took long and deep breaths to get himself there quicker. And soon, he didn't have to try anymore.

*LINE*

Ok trust me I'm sorry, I've had a super long shitty week. I have some personal issues going on and wasn't able to update. I also had really really big tests. I'm sorry. Umm review and what not, I sort of need some motivation for this.


	12. Chapter 12

Hey! Umm enjoy the chapter?

*LINE*

Red hair sprouted from all directions. Oh, how it resembled fire, it held the destruction, the passion, the complete chaos, and the rawness that was it. The face that was centered in it though, that was a different story; it was fair and angelic, it looked as if it was subduing the fire, from the core of it outwards. It was a beautiful sight, too beautiful to be on a mere man, and yet there it was, sleeping on the floor in peace. Roxas felt as if he was trapped, forever to hold a gaze on the boy below him. Still feeling a bit dazed, he knelt down on the carpet, needing to get closer to what held a tight grip on his attention. He dipped his head down a little, inching closer… closer. Soon he was only an inch away from the other boy's face, feeling the redhead's warm and sticky breath spreading against the expanse of the blonde's face. Roxas was only half aware of the breath, the other side just in awe of the sleeping male.

He studied the face, and he abruptly became conscious of small freckles that were practically unnoticeable from even a moderately close distance. These little freckles made refuge on the bridge of Axel's nose.

Roxas wasn't prepared for the emerald eyes that saw through him to pop open, meeting his gaze immediately. The blonde watched as those eyes widened and his body half jumped, this motion seemed to hammer him out of his earlier stupor.

Blue eyes watched as Axel's whole stance changed, the man now was calm and had raised an eyebrow at the boy above him, "Ahem, Roxas, you don't mind answering what you're doing at this current moment, do you?"

Roxas took the time to think for a second, contemplating whether he should just tell him the truth. He shook his head as his face promptly changed to a scarlet before answering anxiously, "Well, I-I was getting up to go take a shower, and when I looked over at you, you didn't look like you were breathing. I came to check on you."

Axel laughed, it was very gruff, and due to the sleep he'd just woken from, "Hm okay Roxie, I believe you. I'm sure you weren't admiring the looks of the hottest man on earth."

Azure eyes rolled, "Are you still dreaming, because it sure as hell sounds like it?"

Axel shifted position on the floor, he moved his hands behind his head and one leg over the other, "Oh no, Dear, I am perfectly awake; falling into consciousness with a good looking blonde directly in front of your face does that to any man. I could show you what I mean, and since I'm the sexiest man ever, it'd be even better."

Roxas just snorted and stood up, "Yep, still half asleep. I'm going to take a quick shower then we can eat and go to school, okay?"

Axel's face had the largest grin on it; his smile was a mile wide, "Yep, sure Roxie, sounds like a great plan."

The blonde narrowed his eyes at Axel, inspecting him carefully. The redhead just kept that same grin on his face, "Run along Roxie, don't want to be late for school right?"

Roxas just nodded and stepped into the bathroom with his clothes and a towel in hand. He locked the door with a 'click' and walked towards the shower, turning it on. He checked the lock again before stripping down and stepping in. He sighed loudly at the warm water, it felt good on all the sore muscles that he had accumulated from the running he had done yesterday. The good balanced out the bad though, he could feel his cuts burn a little, as they were sensitive to the water and not taking one ounce of pleasure in it. He didn't about it, he just looked down at the ground, letting the water run right over him. His sunshine hair started to turn to a daisy color and slowly started to drape around his face, some of it sticking to him. He quickly washed himself with ease and turned the shower off.

Right when Roxas had locked the door to the bathroom, Axel got to work. He had no intention of taking the small boy to school today. It was pretty laughable that Roxas thought he was going there, at least in Axel's opinion. Oh, it didn't really make a difference though as he hurriedly paced toward his dresser and pulled out some clothes. He snagged a black and red flannel sweater with sleeves that were rolled up to his elbow, a black wife beater, and some black jeans to finish off the outfit. He quickly dressed himself with as much grace as a crazy pyro of an 18 year old would, which mind you, wasn't very much. After that fiasco, he hurdled down the stairs and into the kitchen. He looked in the silver steel sink and saw 2 coffee mugs, on top of the other dishes, that must mean his parents have already left for work. Great that meant things should work out smoothly. Axel then thought about what he should do next, a growl of his stomach answered that question quite smoothly. He pulled out the pancake mix and got to work acquiring the ingredients from the fridge or pantry. He measured said ingredients and poured them in an appropriately sized bowl. He equipped himself with a wooden spoon and stirred it lazily while his mind wandered elsewhere.

He thought about how he should plan this day out. Should they go to the mall? An amusement park maybe? What about a book store? Axel attempted to figure out where he should take the blonde. Would he like to go the movies? The redhead decided that the day was young and that they could go to multiple places. He absentmindedly pulled out a pan and set it on the stove.

When he did this he became aware of footsteps coming down the stairs. While attempting to turn around he slipped on the tiled kitchen floor. He felt almost in slow motion as he tried to grab on to something to stable him. He let out what Axel describes as a, 'manly noise of surprise' when he finally hit the ground.

Roxas, who had made his way to the kitchen entrance, let out a continuous laugh at Axel as he sat on the floor, rubbing his ass that had apparently been hurt. The redhead mumbled at the amused boy, saying something about how friends aren't supposed to laugh when another one gets hurt.

This only makes Roxas laugh more until he notices the pancakes, "Oh are you making pancakes? Can I have one, if you don't mind."

Axel gets up and smirks, "I don't know Roxas, you did laugh at me earlier. I guess I can forgive you for that if you tell me that I'm the best."

Roxas raises his eyebrow, and contemplates for a moment, "Fine, looks like I won't be eating."

Axel frowns and silently makes 2 pancakes. The redhead knows how the boy already isn't an appropriate weight and how stubborn he is, so he decides to just let him slide. He snatches two plates from the cupboard above him and dispatches both pancakes on separate plates.

Roxas is surprised when Axel sets a plate in front of him, "Axel the great and powerful, has mercy on you. He knows that not all are willing to accept his greatness for it is hard for mere mortals to understand."

The blonde rolls his eyes once more and says in a sarcastic tone, "Oh thank god Axel the great and powerful is so kindhearted."

The smirk has replaced his frown with a smirk, "No need to thank me."

Roxas mumbles, "Whatever, thanks."

Axel just grunts before digging into his breakfast. Neither says much until they get into Axel's vehicle. Roxas studies the wide smile that's formed on Axel's face, though he just writes it off as him being excited to be in school. Yeah, that's all it was, school.

The redhead turns and looks at Roxas when he takes a road that leads in the opposite direction of the school.

He listens with a smirk to Roxas saying, "Axel, what are you doing?"


End file.
